Wherever You Go, There You Are

 

I have to admit. This quote confused me for a long time. Because … DUH.

But then I made this friend who had some serious problems. I tried, as friends do, to “help” her. One good strategy she had was to travel to escape what was going on back home. She went to the most exotic places & had some seriously enviable adventures. But her problems … the same exact ones! … literally seemed to follow her, even replicate themselves, wherever she went.

Maybe you can relate?

This has a lot to do with our lives as businesspeople and entrepreneurs, because I believe a lot of us are achieving ourselves into the wrong thing.

Is Your Ladder Against the Wrong Building?

A lot of people work hard day-to-day towards something that is aligned neither with their life’s purpose, nor their values. The result: Death-of-a-Salesman-style, they work to achieve “big goals” … but they end up sacrificing their health, their relationships, their ability to sleep at night or other big things they value.

If you’re a workaholic, you might be surprised to learn that quantitative data uncovered by Brendan Burchard, author of High Performance Habits shows the highest performers also value their own well-being more than any other demographic measured.

“I expected that these folks would be more stressed, their health would be more compromised, they would feel lonely at the top,” Burchard says. “I was wrong.”

Compared to their peers, Burchard’s study found that high performers:

  • Are less stressed
  • Are healthier
  • Are 40% more likely to exercise 3-5x per week
  • Report higher levels of happiness
  • Report having more positive relationships

It then starts to make sense that these people are high performers. It sounds like they have the ability to not only take care of bizz-nas, but care for themselves, even love what they do! This has everything to do with how they align what they are doing day-to-day with their life’s purpose.

The Evolution of Goals: Stepping into the Unknown

These high performers also understand: our “big goals” can be at odds with the exact activities we are doing to achieve them.

Here’s an example: I used to work hard for months training to compete in an event like a running race or a triathlon. As soon as the race or event was over though, I’d stop training. My only goal had been to cross the finish line in a certain amount of time (or for some events, at all). So once I completed the race, my goal was no longer there to motivate me. I’d stop training altogether, or go on a frantic search for the next competition “high.” Maybe you can relate. It was an endless cycle of fits and starts. A pendulum, if you will. I even ended up injuring myself as a result. (But … silver lining! … this injury ended up being the reason I decided to take a break from running and rediscovered yoga, a practice which is forcing me to be more mindful in everything I do.)

I often need to remind myself to stay open to new possibilities, but taking a chance or stepping into the unknown can be a scary place. It’s the realm where things could go wrong. It’s the place where anything could happen, things are unpredictable, even out of control. BUT!!! It’s also where the magic can happen! (If we let it!)

By nature I’m detail-oriented and a planner. But even when I’m dead-set on something happening, I’ve learned I have to stay open to the possibilities and opportunities. When I get stuck on what I think are “goals,” or too attached to specifics, I can undermine the whole damn thing. My personal power place is in executing ideas, for both my family and my clients. But if I’m not mindful, I can suck out the joy, fun and adventure, even ensure “peak moments” don’t happen. When I get super-obsessed with the outcome, I turn discipline into a workhorse. Instead of showing up for myself and my dreams in a gentle way, I get hard-headed and sabotage things, like my kids’ enthusiasm about schoolwork, sports or hobbies. I completely squash my team’s creativity on a project at work. I make sure a social outing doesn’t happen … if I’m too fixated on a certain outcome. Because I’ve completely killed the mood! (And isn’t that all we’re ever really after? A mood or feeling?)

For my clients who are used to being in charge, it can be difficult to draw the line between being too heavy-handed, bringing stress into their “big goals”, and being proactive and taking responsibility for them. It can feel terrifying to simply let things happen, particularly when the stakes are high—when you care about something so deeply that it feels like a piece of you.

Pushing vs. Allowing

“You get to choose, everyday, to be pushed by fear … or pulled by love. Sometimes it appears that the outcome is the same. But when you’re pushed, it’s what’s ahead of you that’s scary … that’s being resisted. And when you’re pulled? The promise of what’s to come is so magnetic that nothing behind you has any power. Fear and excitement often feel the same in our bodies … the choice is yours.”

A friend posted the above on Instagram recently, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

If you like me are trying to find the middle ground between pushing and allowing, I’ve found these mindset shifts immensely helpful:

  • Accept that things may not go according to plan.
  • Remember that you can’t control what other people do. You can only control who you choose to be, and who you choose to trust. You can’t guarantee a specific outcome, but you can do your best to enable an effective process.
  • Be shaped by your goal. Obstacles to getting what you want will definitely come up. Learn and let those obstacles shape your desires, intentions, and efforts.
  • Let go of fear around not achieving your goal! If you keep going, good things will happen—both now and tomorrow—even if you can’t predict or control exactly what those good things are. Even if you don’t achieve your exact goal.
  • Remember to be mindful of your health, well-being and relationships. Manage your energy wisely. High performers always do, so you’ll be in good company!
  • Use positive self-talk to motivate yourself, and stick to the process instead of the outcome.

While my heart broke for my friend who continually ran away from her problems … only to find them in another way, shape or form in her new environment … she was one of my life’s greatest teachers. I will always remember the clarity I finally had about this cryptic quote when I think of her. Changing my location or my situation, achieving that next goal, acquiring that next shiny new object … none of it really matters unless I am grounded in peace, love, gratitude and total acceptance of myself, and things as they are. Right now.

Because that person you try to avoid will be there, around every corner, in all the quiet places, always waiting to talk to you. Will you greet her with a cold shoulder, or a loving embrace?

Food for thought:

Wherever you go … where are you?

In what areas of your life could you stop pushing and start allowing?

83 thoughts on “Wherever You Go, There You Are

  • My brother suggested I might like this website. He was totally right.
    This publish truly made my day. You cann’t imagine just how much time I had spent for this info!
    Thank you!

  • Whats up are using WordPress for your site platform?

    I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and set up my
    own. Do you need any coding expertise to make
    your own blog? Any help would be really appreciated!

  • My programmer is trying to convince me to move to .net from PHP.
    I have always disliked the idea because of the costs. But he’s tryiong
    none the less. I’ve been using Movable-type on various
    websites for about a year and am worried about switching to another platform.
    I have heard good things about blogengine.net. Is there a way
    I can transfer all my wordpress content into it?
    Any kind of help would be really appreciated!

  • magnificent submit, very informative. I’m wondering why the other specialists of this sector do not notice this.
    You must proceed your writing. I am sure, you have a great readers’
    base already!

  • Aw, this was a really nice post. Taking a few
    minutes and actual effort to produce a very good article… but
    what can I say… I procrastinate a lot and
    don’t manage to get nearly anything done.

  • Hello! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with
    SEO? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but
    I’m not seeing very good results. If you know of any please share.

    Cheers!

  • I love your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you make this website yourself or did you
    hire someone to do it for you? Plz reply as I’m looking to construct
    my own blog and would like to know where u got this from.
    thanks a lot

  • An interesting discussion is definitely worth comment.

    I do believe that you ought to write more about this topic, it may not be a taboo matter
    but typically folks don’t talk about these topics.
    To the next! All the best!!

  • Today, I went to the beach with my children. I found a sea shell and gave it
    to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed
    the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear.
    She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is totally off
    topic but I had to tell someone!

  • Heya i am for the first time here. I came across this board and I in finding It truly useful
    & it helped me out a lot. I hope to provide one thing again and help others
    like you aided me.

  • What i do not understood is in fact how you are now not
    really a lot more well-favored than you might be right now.

    You’re very intelligent. You know therefore considerably on the subject of this
    topic, produced me personally believe it from numerous varied
    angles. Its like women and men aren’t interested until it’s one thing to accomplish with Girl gaga!
    Your own stuffs excellent. Always deal with it up!

  • Wonderful website. A lot of helpful information here.
    I am sending it to a few pals ans additionally sharing in delicious.
    And of course, thank you for your sweat!

  • I have been browsing on-line greater than three hours today, but
    I by no means found any attention-grabbing article like yours.
    It’s lovely price sufficient for me. In my view, if all
    website owners and bloggers made just right content material
    as you did, the net might be a lot more useful than ever before.

  • Hi! I know this is kinda off topic however I’d figured I’d ask.

    Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest writing a blog
    article or vice-versa? My website goes over a
    lot of the same subjects as yours and I believe we could greatly benefit from
    each other. If you might be interested feel free to shoot me an email.
    I look forward to hearing from you! Wonderful blog by the way!

  • Its like you learn my mind! You seem to know so
    much about this, such as you wrote the book
    in it or something. I believe that you can do with some percent to drive
    the message house a little bit, however other than that,
    this is wonderful blog. A great read. I’ll certainly be back.

  • Hey There. I discovered your weblog the usage of msn. That is a really neatly written article.
    I will be sure to bookmark it and return to learn extra of your
    helpful info. Thanks for the post. I will definitely
    return.

  • Oh my goodness! Awesome article dude! Many thanks, However I am having problems with your RSS.

    I don’t know the reason why I am unable to subscribe to it.
    Is there anybody else having similar RSS problems?

    Anyone who knows the solution can you kindly respond?
    Thanx!!

  • I’m curious to find out what blog platform you’re working with?
    I’m having some minor security issues with my latest site and I’d like to find something
    more risk-free. Do you have any recommendations?

  • I was suggested this website by my cousin. I’m not sure whether this post is written by
    him as no one else know such detailed about my trouble.
    You’re incredible! Thanks!

  • With havin so much content do you ever run into any problems
    of plagorism or copyright infringement? My website has a lot of
    unique content I’ve either written myself
    or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my permission. Do you know any ways to help protect against
    content from being ripped off? I’d truly appreciate it.

  • I simply want to tell you that I am just very new to weblog and actually loved your web-site. Most likely I’m likely to bookmark your site . You definitely have really good writings. Many thanks for revealing your webpage.

  • I just couldn’t go away your site prior to suggesting that I extremely loved the standard info a person supply in your guests? Is going to be back continuously in order to check out new posts

  • Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your weblog and in accession capital to assert that I acquire actually enjoyed account your blog posts. Anyway I will be subscribing to your feeds and even I achievement you access consistently quickly.

  • I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was curious what all is required to get set up? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very internet smart so I’m not 100% certain. Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated. Kudos

  • Hello very nice web site!! Guy .. Beautiful .. Wonderful .. I’ll bookmark your website and take the feeds also? I’m happy to search out so many useful information here in the publish, we want develop more strategies on this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .

  • You could definitely see your expertise in the paintings you write. The sector hopes for more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to mention how they believe. All the time follow your heart.

  • I also believe that mesothelioma cancer is a uncommon form of many forms of cancer that is generally found in these previously familiar with asbestos. Cancerous tissue form while in the mesothelium, which is a protecting lining which covers many of the body’s internal organs. These cells ordinarily form inside the lining with the lungs, abdomen, or the sac which actually encircles the heart. Thanks for expressing your ideas.

  • I am only writing to let you know of the helpful experience our girl went through checking your web site. She figured out a lot of things, most notably how it is like to have a great teaching mood to get the others easily understand a variety of multifaceted subject areas. You really surpassed people’s expected results. Many thanks for displaying these effective, trustworthy, edifying not to mention easy thoughts on that topic to Evelyn.

  • Hey there! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any problems with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing several weeks of hard work due to no data backup. Do you have any methods to prevent hackers?

  • Hey, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your blog site in Opera, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, very good blog!

  • Hello my loved one! I want to say that this article is awesome, nice written and come with approximately all important infos. I would like to see extra posts like this.

  • Thanks for enabling me to get new suggestions about personal computers. I also have belief that one of the best ways to maintain your laptop in excellent condition is to use a hard plastic-type material case, and also shell, which fits over the top of one’s computer. These kind of protective gear will be model targeted since they are manufactured to fit perfectly on the natural covering. You can buy these directly from the owner, or from third party places if they are readily available for your laptop, however don’t assume all laptop will have a spend on the market. Once again, thanks for your tips.

  • Aw, this was a really nice post. In idea I wish to put in writing like this additionally – taking time and actual effort to make an excellent article… but what can I say… I procrastinate alot and by no means seem to get one thing done.

  • It’s a pity you don’t have a donate button! I’d certainly donate to this superb blog! I guess for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to new updates and will share this site with my Facebook group. Chat soon!

  • I would like to show my thanks to you just for rescuing me from this particular issue. Just after looking out throughout the the net and obtaining tips that were not helpful, I believed my life was well over. Existing minus the approaches to the difficulties you have solved all through this short article is a serious case, as well as the ones that could have negatively damaged my career if I had not encountered the website. Your actual talents and kindness in dealing with a lot of things was precious. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t come upon such a stuff like this. I can at this time look forward to my future. Thanks so much for this expert and sensible help. I won’t hesitate to refer your blog post to any individual who needs to have guide about this matter.

  • Great article and straight to the point. I don’t know if this is truly the best place to ask but do you guys have any thoughts on where to get some professional writers? Thx 🙂

  • A further issue is really that video gaming became one of the all-time largest forms of recreation for people of various age groups. Kids enjoy video games, and also adults do, too. Your XBox 360 is amongst the favorite games systems for folks who love to have a lot of activities available to them, and also who like to play live with other individuals all over the world. Thanks for sharing your notions.

  • Thanks, I’ve just been searching for information about this topic for a long time and yours is the best I’ve found out so far. But, what concerning the bottom line? Are you positive about the source?

  • This is really interesting, You’re a very skilled blogger. I’ve joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your fantastic post. Also, I’ve shared your site in my social networks!

  • Hello, Neat post. There is a problem along with your site in internet explorer, could check this… IE still is the marketplace chief and a huge portion of folks will leave out your magnificent writing because of this problem.

  • Hello, Neat post. There is a problem with your website in internet explorer, might check this… IE nonetheless is the market chief and a huge part of folks will leave out your great writing due to this problem.

  • you are actually a just right webmaster. The web site loading velocity is amazing. It seems that you are doing any distinctive trick. Moreover, The contents are masterpiece. you have done a excellent job on this subject!

  • Please let me know if you’re looking for a author for your site. You have some really great posts and I think I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d really like to write some articles for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine. Please send me an e-mail if interested. Kudos!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *